Friday, February 22, 2008

While you were sleeping

So, this story is probably not going to be funny without the wild theatrics of a live retelling. But I'm telling it anyway because remembering it makes me smile. And even giggle out loud a little bit.

My freshman year of college I lived with my super fab cousin, Gertrude Schlollom, in a tiny dorm room in Helaman Halls. Righteous little scholars that we were, we decided not to study on Sundays, so as to allow more time for flirting with boys--er, I mean, observing the sabbath. So that sometimes meant getting up early on Mondays to finish stuff up. One Monday, we both had big tests or something so we decided to get up extra early. Like 4:00 AM. I was worried that we might sleep through the alarm at that unseemly hour, so I turned the volume on my clock radio WAY up. And then we went to sleep.

I don't know if it was nerves, or just the apparently genetic condition that turns me into a crazy person in my sleep, but at some point in the night I got up and moved my desk chair to my bed. For reasons that totally made sense at the time, I positioned the chair so that the legs were sticking out into the three-foot space between our beds. With the back of the chair flat on the bed, I carefully crawled back under my covers went back to sleep, not at all disturbed by the chair on my torso. (This is where the wild gesturing would really come in handy, because this positioning makes no sense.)

Of course, it would have been impossible for us to sleep through the alarm when it went off like a tornado siren at 4:00 AM, and Gertrude and I were both instantly awake. The trouble was, I was pinned down by that pesky desk chair, and couldn't figure out how to get it off me to get up and turn off the alarm. So Gertrude sprung into action! She jumped out of bed and grabbed my alarm clock. Unable to find its tiny sleep button in the dark, she started shaking it. "Why won't this turn off?" she asked. I wasn't much help, as I was still trying to figure out why I was sleeping under a chair. Finally, Gertrude got the light on and the alarm off. It was only then that she noticed my impediment. "Why is your chair on your bed?" she asked.

"Because I thought it would make you mad if I put it on your bed." I said, only then recalling the sleepy dream logic that led to the middle-of-the-night furniture rearrangement. What I should have said was, "Because I'm crazy."

I am comforted to know that I'm not the only who goes a little cuckoo in my sleep. So I want to hear your "while you were sleeping" stories, either in the comments below or on your own blog. Go on! Share the crazy!

9 comments:

Amber said...

I have to say, I'm a pretty sane sleeper and usually know exactly where I am and even what part of the bed I'm laying on long before I open my beautiful eyes.

Sorry, no While You Were Sleeping moments here.

Amber said...

...but I really enjoy hearing about your sleep episodes!

Peanut said...

The first things that came to my mind are other people's stories...
Like when I shared a bed with Carolioness in the "girls' room" in NY. And in her sleep she said, "I was kissing him." I asked her many times to repeat what she was saying, and she did, each time getting more and more indignant and irritated with me (or at least that's how it sounded to me).

Next story, I lived in a house with two of my very good girl friends. Together we were getting into a specific workout routine and helping each other stick to it. One evening when it was time to workout Crazy Horse Lady was mid-nap. We told her it was time to get up and work out, her response, "Wake me up when you're done."
I can't think of any hilarious sleeping antics of mine right now, but I'll see what I can come up with

Ree said...

Maybe it's because I have seen enough of your live retellings that I can imagine your inflections and wild gesturing, but this post still drove me to tears. With laughter I mean.

I can tell stories on B, since we were also roomies in college. There were many evenings when I would stay up studying after B went to bed. B would often talk in her sleep, and I took notes, so we could laugh together later. I don't have those notes anymore, but I remember this silly phrase: "How did it get so much of my hair already?"

Stephanie said...

This entry moved me to tears as well! I'm still laughing. I have to say, I'm a normal sleeper now...but haven't always been. But apparently it's genetic because Chloe is now the "octopus in bed"...a title that used to be mine. Last night she was scared, so I agreed to sleep in her bed with her for awhile. I was rudely awakened by her arm swinging from out of nowhere and clocking me in the eyeball. It was so bad that I had to run downstairs and get ice. It was a forceful reminder of why I don't like to sleep next to my child. She did remember it today too. She said, "Mommy, I'm sorry for hitting you in the belly". I told her it was okay, but she actually hit my eyeball. She said, "Oh Mommy, I'm sorry for that." I didn't tell her that I used to do things like that to my mommy in my sleep too. Those darn genes!

Mrs. Donut said...

I was thinking that maybe you thought if you had the chair by your bed, you could hop right up ad start studying. For good measure, you probably put the chair ON your bed (and on yourself) to remind yourself of your hop-right-up-and-start-studying idea.

Let's see . . . the only really weird sleep thing that I remember was when a bat flew into my house when I was in jr. high. It flew into my room and I sat up in bed. The bat was flying around and around my head and I said, "What's going on?
My dad and brother had chased the bat into my room and Daddy said, "Nothing, kid, go back to sleep."
All of this was recounted to me the next morning at breakfast. I didn't remember any of it.
Oh, and the bat got chased out of the house.

Molly had a weird sleep thing the other night. It was midnight, and I could hear her crying. I went into her room (she shares with Eliza) and asked what was wrong.
"Eliza won't let me watch TV!" Molly wailed.
Well, I had news for her, nobody was going to let her watch TV at midnight!
She finally was coaxed into bed with me and Scott, where we tried to sooth her and explain to her (yeah, right, at midnight) about not watching TV. She calmed down (somehow) and went back to her bed and all was well after that.

Eliza used to sleep walk when we lived in Iowa. I would hear her in the night, rustling around. She would come all the way downstairs and sit in her chair like she was getting ready to eat supper. Or she'd just sit on the couch or maybe have a book with her or something. It never took more than me leading her back to bed, though. But still, it was weird to find her sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of the night!

Scott does this weird thing where he will sometimes (he does this about twice a year) wake up in a panic, rush around to get ready for work, think he is late, and then come to find out it is only like 2 or 3 AM!

Princess Gerty said...

I know it helps to have lived through the drama, but that story still drove me to tears! Thanks for a good laugh. I have heard a good story about me waking up at 2:00 trying to get my sisters up (who were still awake). Then there was the time my husband was talking about storm troopers on the lawn...

Tara said...

That is hilarious! I've always been a wild sleeper- nightmares through my childhood, sleep walking outside, sleep talking-- but I've not the knack for story-telling that you have! One strange thing about my sleepwalking though, my Mom says I always walked around with a limp in my sleep- kind of weird. I wonder if it means anything...

B said...

Add me to the "driven to tears" category! Reading that post was almost as good as being there, I think, since I could totally see it all happening! I knew Ree would remember something from our days as roomies...She had MANY little slips of paper with random sleep talkings!