Sunday, April 23, 2006

The Issue of Blood

Warning: the following post contains the words "tampon," "menstruate," and "breastfeeding." And also "predicament."

The scene: Women's bathroom at church, between meetings. My friend, Samantha Perrywinkle* (who gave birth to Snickerdoodle* a few months ago) emerges from a stall.

Samantha: Do you have a tampon?
Boss: Sorry, I don't.
SP: Figures my first period since Snickerdoodle would start while I'm at church in a white skirt.
Boss: I've been in the same predicament. They really should put tampon machines in here.
SP: Well, nearly every woman in the ward is either pregnant or breastfeeding. Maybe they think we don't need them. . . . Wait, it's not against our religion to menstruate, is it?
Boss: I don't think so. But if it is, I was in the nursing mother's room when they announced it.


*Names have been changed.

11 comments:

Taffy said...

The Temple bathroom (at least the one in AZ) has a free tampon machine! I hope it's not against our religion. Not that I should worry about it since I haven't had to deal with that particular issue since 2002.

Tarimisu said...

Come to think of it, I have never been in a church bathroom anywhere that had a pad/tampon machine! What, don't religious women get their periods? I don't even recall seeing one in the women's bathroom of the progressive First Baptist Church of San Francisco . . . but I'm willing to bet there was one just across the street in the women's bathroom of the GLT Community Center!!! I wonder if we could start a new business, "Sanitary Solutions for the Soul" or something like that.

CAROLIONESS said...

Amy, you are hillarious!!!
Taffy, you're right, well I know that the Provo Temple also has free dispensers. But even if the machines in church houses made you pay, it would still be a very, VERY good idea! REALLY, not everyone and their dogs ARE pregnant OR nursing! I don't know of a single woman (or a married one at that either) in MY ward who is!
Actually I believe the reason there are machines in temples and not church houses is because of the temple matrons. They know of the need and they make sure that it is taken care of. While in church houses, I beleive, it is only men who are really in charge of installing such things.

Anonymous said...

Hey Diana~

While living with Sonnet I heard all sorts of good stories from people about the Mormons and what they thought they did. This usually entertained us for at least an hour a week.

One woman Sonnet and I used to work with was full of 'did you know Mormons did....' stories.

My favorite was that Mormons worship golden cattle. I wanted to put Razor in gold hotpants and nominate her to be the new holy golden cow, but Sonnet said I couldn't (besides the fact that there was no cattle worship, golden or otherwise). I'm still petitioning to dress Razor up.

Another was that you altered the Bible. That led to images of sister missionaries running around with big fat black sharpies knocking on doors and crossing out passages in people's Bibles.

I think you should start a support group, LDSMM. LDS menstruating moms. You should make t-shirts...

Christina

Peanut said...

I'm so offended at your use of the word "predicament"! :) I think our Williamsville church building had a tampon machine in the bathroom, but other than that I can't think of any buildings that I've attended that were so equipped.

Here's a definition I came across--a "sensitive man" is a single guy who keeps tampons on hand in his bathroom should any of his female guests need them.

B said...

You guys are hilarious! I think it's something to be brought to the attention of the Stake Prez or Agent Bishop, as I think it probably falls under his responsibility. The church buildings I've been in recently that have had the tampon machines were Out of order"...but that's been for four years now.

Anonymous said...

I can't remember when I have laughed so hard. Thanks for some of the "best medicine" Love you all! Aunt Betty

Ree said...

I think every temple I have been in has had a free tampon machine, and I agree...it must be the matron's doing. Although you would think with the number of church buildings going up every year, someone in that department of church headquarters would notice...Look, we order these machines for every temple, but not a one for a meeting house...

In any case if any of you can get an agent Bishop or facilities director or anyone to install one in your building, please give me his number. We can't even seem to get a consistantly working soap dispenser in our building!

Tarimisu said...

By the way, my real name is Jam-Jam Merryweather, and you know it.

Boss said...

I was a little hesitant to post this, not so much because of the subject matter, but because I thought it might be one of those "you had to be there" things. Anyway, I'm glad you guys can relate! I do apologize for any I've offended with the use of the word "predicament." ;)

I'm with you guys--it's a little puzzling that temples have them and ward buildings don't! Since I don't have any pull with the church FM group (I don't even want to tell you how long one of the toilets in our ward building stayed clogged), I've decided to just leave a box of tampons in the bathroom on Sunday with a note that says something like "take one if you need one, and return the favor some time by replenishing the supply." That will probably get us through until Amy's Sanitary Solutions company saves the day. Speaking of which:

Amy! (Oops! I mean Jam Jam!) You are a genius! You could make millions with your "Sanitary Solutions for the Soul" idea. Not to mention improving the lives of church-going women everywhere. You should start a partnership with Tampax and have them put inspirational messages on the wrappers. ("Jesus wept too" perhaps?) And little pictures of angels and doves and whatnot. (Except for the Mormons the angels have to have trumpets instead of wings.)

Taffy--RE: "haven't dealt with that particular issue since 2002" LUCKY! That's reason enough to keep having kids! Sign me up! (Not that kids themselves aren't fabulous. But as the Coach says, a baby is "a cute little bonus after nine months with no periods!")

Christina- I would also like to see Razor in gold hotpants. Let's keep working on Sonnet. Maybe she'll come around. I also like the T-shirt idea. LDSMMs unite!

OK. Comment too long. Stopping now.

Anonymous said...

Sonnet's comment on sensitive men reminds me of an event many years ago. I was at a guy's house (and he lived with his family, thank goodness) when I REALLY needed a tampon. So, I noticed a box of them in the bathroom cupboard and took one. I never had the guts to tell the guy or his mom (who is probably the one who would have missed it anyway). In fact, this is the first time I think I've ever told anyone (hence why I logged in anonymous). Anyway, don't let it leave the hot tub, I mean blog.

SJJ