The title of this post sounds inviting and warm, but do not be decieved. This post is about a sinister perversion of everything that is good about singing and babies.
We've long been fans of the dollar store. Okay, more Boss than me. And it seemed like a $1 DVD would not be a terrible risk, so Boss went ahead and bought the Singing Babies DVD for Sam. It took approximately three seconds after turning it on that I knew that my life was changed forever. As the babies row, row, rowed their boats across the screen, their lips moving separately from their artificially constrained bodies, Sam laughed. And I knew what Sam likes gets played a million times a day whether Dad likes it or not.
Let me see if I can explain what is wrong with these babies. I don't think any verbal description can do them justice, but I'll give it a whirl. The idea is that a group of multi-national babies sing common nursery rhyme songs and puppets dance in front of green screens. Animation and cuteness with a spiffy soundtrack rounds out the awe shucks production. However, the execution makes this video more suitable for Halloween. Someone thought that making babies lips move independent of their other features would be endearing. This someone is on drugs. Babies mouths can't gape like that while their chins remain firmly fixed. This someone has enough business acumen to gather the required capital to produce a DVD, but imagined that purposely making one of the babies sing off key would be a delight to everyone everywhere. It's not just an off key baby, it's an on key voice that has been deliberately manipulated to be off-key. Someone thought that combining normal footage of playing babies and bouncing puppets would make up for the eerie skin crawling I get when one of the possessed artificial babies blinks their alien eyes.
Okay, you get the idea. I don't care for the creepy singing babies. My nightmares will never be the same.