It's not long until Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day will be upon us. Last year was fun to be a dad for the first time, but this year will be the first year where the little guy will actually have some recognition of me as his dad. Sometimes I wonder what kind of a dad I am or will end up being in the long run. I want to be a good dad. But I know it's not automatic.
I think one of the most important characteristics of a good dad is trustworthiness. I want Sam to know he can ask me anything or tell me anything and he can always know with absolute assurance that I'm on his side. However, this last week I realized that it's harder in practice than in theory. I didn't really think about it at the time, but when we were on the playground I think my trustworthiness dropped a bit. I had been chasing him all around a big playground installation with ramps and walkways and slides of various heights and shapes. He seemed reluctant to go down the slides but I knew he liked them, so I helped him get ready and go. As he was ready to go, he turned around and looked scared. He was reaching for me to save him from what he didn't know, but I just pushed him down anyway thinking he would see how harmless and safe it was. He did see. He was smiling at the bottom. But then he wouldn't go near me when we walked by the slides after that. It was as if I had betrayed him and he couldn't let himself forget that I was a pusher.
I don't want to be a pusher! I want to be trusted. Boss is way better at this than me. I guess that's why she gets to be the Boss.
I'm so grateful for my parents and the absolute trust I have in their love. I know they would give anything for me. I know they have given everything for me and my brothers and sisters. They are wonderful folks and I look forward to seeing them soon.